Tho I did drive my Dad to the cemetery to see Mom last weekend. And unexpectedly he got teary-eyed. Man, it still kills me when I see him upset. You're not supposed to see your parents cry. They're supposed to be the strong ones, to protect you and keep it all together. Funny, how the roles have reversed. Is anyone ever prepared for this? Not complaining....love my Dad. He's like a little kid even tho he's going to be 75 this year. He definitely enjoys life and makes the most of it. And I have to remind myself to appreciate him more. He has endured a lot from the time he came to the US. While he may not have been the best father growing up, he did the best he could. I get that and while there were lots of hard and dark times, there were also laughter and a love for life that he exuded. I definitely inherited that from him as well as a serious side from my Mom. Love reading and listening to music. I'm a product of them both!
Jeez, how is it possible that time is flying by so fast? Is it because I'm older? Damn, that sucks. I guess that just means I need to make every second count? At the same time, I got sick a couple of Fridays ago and cannot shake this tickling cough in the back of my throat. Which also means that I haven't gone to see my Por Por but I'm hoping to see her tomorrow.
Tho I did drive my Dad to the cemetery to see Mom last weekend. And unexpectedly he got teary-eyed. Man, it still kills me when I see him upset. You're not supposed to see your parents cry. They're supposed to be the strong ones, to protect you and keep it all together. Funny, how the roles have reversed. Is anyone ever prepared for this? Not complaining....love my Dad. He's like a little kid even tho he's going to be 75 this year. He definitely enjoys life and makes the most of it. And I have to remind myself to appreciate him more. He has endured a lot from the time he came to the US. While he may not have been the best father growing up, he did the best he could. I get that and while there were lots of hard and dark times, there were also laughter and a love for life that he exuded. I definitely inherited that from him as well as a serious side from my Mom. Love reading and listening to music. I'm a product of them both!
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Cleaning out my car the other day and I found this flyer from Dana Farber Hospital given to me when Mom was getting her radiation treatments. What else can I say? So I listen to the song that brings me the most comfort when I'm thinking of her.
I celebrated the new year in MD with my Dad and cousins. It's always bittersweet staying with my cousins because of all of the memories of my mom there. I half-expect her to come walking down the stairs or sitting in this small green leather armchair smoking her life away. Yet, I know my Dad is happy and content there as he is totally catered to by my cousins. We ate ALOT, shopped ALOT and ate some more. I was falling asleep when the ball dropped and couldn't wait to get to bed! Getting old.....sigh.
Reflecting back on 2015, it was definitely a time of recovery and rediscovering myself. Doing much better with the grieving. Not so tragic any longer but still sad. Also connecting with new friends as well as re-connecting with old ones! Trying to delve inside myself to try and figure out what it is I want from life. And how my Mom's death has impacted me. Can I turn how I've dealt with her passing into something positive? Is that possible? And how to stay positive and optimistic? Especially for the new year? Begin with a clean slate - in with the new and out with the old? Resist from being pulled into drama. Don't reflect on the lies and broken promises made by people I trusted. Focus on why things happen for a reason. I guess this is the path that was chosen for me and I have to believe my Mom is my guide. Eat healthier, start exercising regularly - not too crazy and open myself up for new possibilities? Yay, sounds good, right? Maybe putting it into words and out into the universe makes it real. In any case, anything is better than sitting around and moping about "what ifs" and "why not me?". That's not how my Mom raised me so just need to buck up and prepare to have a stellar 2016! |
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May 2022
AuthorI'm fortunate enough to have an awesome job at a biotech company. I'm also blessed to have the bestest of friends in the world - from Castle Square, ATASK, and Jamie Club - you know who you are! Last but not least, I have a family that are always there for me. Categories |